Thursday, April 14, 2011

Very Proud!!

Well today my mom got the accountability email and in 10 days it went from 20 or more times to 2 I am very proud of myself and so is my mom :) It hasnt been easy but I have made it 10 days and that is a big acomplishment for me!! thats all I wanted to say today :)

With Love and Care

John

Monday, April 11, 2011

Was it Worth it?

Well yesterday I realized that I need to re-evaluate my Facebook friends list. Some people dont know how to be quiet or to keep things to themselves. I'm just thinking is honesty the best policy? I was honest but I ost my job beause I was honest. By the way its been 5 days!! im proud of myself for that. and for as whoever told Elaine about this. YOU DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY!!! So whatch what you say!!! Thank you!!! I wrote that post to ask for help and for you not to hold it against me but that is exactly what you did!!! and that makes you not my friend and you are not worthy of my friendship!!
With Pain
and Someone Searching.

John

Saturday, April 9, 2011

My Story. Pt. 3

Well I am pretty proud of myself it has been 2 days with out going on any websites. now I know that doesn't sound like a long time but that is for someone who looked at them every day. I need to celebrate the small victories!. It hasn't been easy but nothing is easy. I have had cravings and temptations to go on the websites but when that happens I go and listen to the radio or watch some TV. I separate myself from the computer and the computer area.

Like I said there wont be a lot to write but that is what is on my mind today.

Love and Care

John

Friday, April 8, 2011

My Story. Pt. 2

I am writing this as a journal. today I have been craving to go on a site. But I need to show resistance. I need to show I have selfcontrol. Its just like a smoker when they quit cold turkey they have cravings to light anouther one and it is very hard but that doesn't mean that you cant quit. I will quit!! I will! It wont be easy but it will be done and I will finally be free from my addiction. But I still need to stay away from the things that can help me access the websites. If you think of an alcoholic, if you just quit drink and you know you have an alcoholic past, you wouldnt go into a bar because that is just asking for trouble. I wish it could be easier but it will get easier as I go on.
I know its not alot of reading today but thats whats happening today so far.

Love and Care

John

Thursday, April 7, 2011

My Story.

Today when I was watching Joyce Myers, she was talking about her horrific childhood. When Joyce was a little girl she was raped by her father time after time. She said it was atleast 200 times. I thought that was horific, if you dont feel somewhat like that then there is something wrong with you. The reason that she told this story was so other people could learn from her experience and to trust God through the whole thing that he is there. She said one of the biggest black eyes you can give Satan is to giv your problem to God and ask him to turn your pain into gain and your mess into a message I thought that was profound! One of my problems is porn sites and I am here to tell you its not easy to get out of. It is a vicious cycle but with Gods love and grace and friends support I will quit. Now I am not tellng you this to show that I am a terrible person but I am telling you this to show you that there is a God and because of him I will quit this addiction. Its a groose addiction and it is consuming and yet when I reach for help no one is there. Why if you need help I will be there to help now when I need help the right thing would be to help me. But instead I get shunned and no one talks to me and I feel like an outcast. The right thing would be to accept me and help me and love me for me not for what I have done. Now I am taking a leap of faith by telling all of you this, now please dont use this against me.

Someone reaching out for help

John.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Racism

In our english class we watched a movie called "A Time To Kill." It talks about how two white men who raped a African American and they were shot dead by the father of the girl. Now if it as me i would of shot them too if they raped my girl and threw her into a river. Unfortunelty they were trying to get this father to be hung. Now if it was a white father it wouldnt of been tried. Unfortunetly our society and our world we shoose whites over blacks. but i am more then will to e a friend with a black man then a white because actually alot of white men are jerks and are very rude. Black men are really nice and caring and compassionate. That is because they have been through a lot. if you have ever heard a chior of black women sing and a chior of white wemon sing, the blacks sound a lot more full and happy because they have been through alot and know what it means to have freedom. Now the whole meaning of this post is to say why be racist we are all Gods children and deserve love.

Love and Cares

John